Xingese Water Torture
by BigChillFreak
Summary: When ling wants awnsers he turns to water torture only instead he uses the dreaded milk, meanwhile Alphonse is playing with kittens, things go crazy as Ling breaks Ed's brain and he names a cat Black Hanekawa and End with Al in pieces This is what happens when I'm bored and reading The Flame Alchemist 13 stories XD Enjoy this crazy fic
**Xingese Water Torture**

Ed really didn't know how he ended up in this situation; it hadn't even been a big deal.

So what if he transmuted a small hollow steel block around Ling, so what if he threw him out of his hotel room once again.

So what if he got the great idea of finding Ling one night and drawing on his face for payback.

He understood why the Xingese Princes kept his eyes closed after that incident.

"Damn it Ling! When Al finds-"Ed didn't get to finish as he shouted from his place bound to a table.

"Al won't find us, I made sure of it!" Ling said with his usually cheerfulness.

Ed eyes narrowed" What did you do to my brother!" he shouted against the restraints shaking his head.

He was gonna loose it soon, but Ling wasn't getting anything out of him.

"You don't want to know" Ling answered simply somehow sitting on a three legged table.

Sometimes Ling violated the laws of everything.

 _ **(Meanwhile)**_

"How is it that you inhabit unfeeling steel and yet feel such fondness for them?" Lan fan and her Fu were both balancing on a fence as they watched the armor bound boy.

"I can't feel but, I still remember what I liked and I love them!" Al's voice was cheerful as he sat on the ground completely covered in kittens.

The little rascals were everywhere, on his chest plate, his legs, one popped out of his helmet.

All the while Al laughed in enjoyment of Lings bodyguards doing this for him, a kitten behind him pulled at his only hair causing his to stroke it gently.

"I wonder were brother is?" he vaguely thought as the kittens blanked out any worry he felt for his brother.

 _ **(Back to Ling and Ed)**_

"Ready to tell me the secret of immortality, you can choose to tell em about the stone or how to bond a soul to armor" Ling was smirking now as he watched the blond shake.

The method was working, but he hadn't use water no he had used something that he learned the little alchemist hated.

(He didn't ask Roy mustang he did not)

(He did)

"DAMN IT LING! COULDN'T TORTURE ME WITH WATER! NO! IT HAD TO BE FUCKING GOD DAMN MILK!" the golden haired boy sputtered as the drops were running down his face and no way in hell would he drink the stuff.

Even by accident, oh when he got a hold of Ling.

And if he killed Ling when he got a hold of Al, oh was his little brother in for it.

"DAMN IT AL! HOW CAN YOU CHOOSE CATS OVER YOUR OWN BROTHER?" Ed was losing it; he now knew why the people from Xing were so good at getting answers.

Their torture was annoying as fuck!

"All I want is an answer to my question and a free meal" somehow Ling had gotten a plate of rice and chicken out of no were.

'He's either Truth in disguise or a total loon!' thought Ed as he felt the metal round his automail arm's bonds begin to groan.

If he could just" well time for the grand ending, it's where we'd drop all the water on our captive in your case milk!" Ling was far too happy about this.

And as Ed freed his automail arm and clapped he only had one thought.

'How the hell did I let myself get captured by this nut job?'

At that exact moment the left side of the small room they were in broke as Alphonse stood there, covered in kittens.

Oh, Edward was gonna kill him.

Right after he killed Ling!

"Have anything to say" Ed was pissed his hair, face and most of his upper loathing was covered in milk and even though alchemy would easily get rid of it.

HE STILL FUCKING USED IT DAMN IT!

"Uh, how about we all forget what's happened and leave peacefully" was Lings answer as he began his usual routine of disappearing.

"Oh No! You don't!" but before Ed could react a flash bomb nearly blew up in his face blinding him.

And once the light faded no one was around.

"Damn it!" shouted Ed as he walked over to Al.

He was still irritated and Al just happened to be there, covered in kittens oh he was in for it.

"Sorry brother I got distracted I didn't think Ling was smart enough to plan a Xingese Water torture, or Milk torture in your case" Al was nervous when his brother didn't speak there was a crazy look in his golden eyes as the kittens began to mew franticly.

Two hours later found Al's armor being smothered by kittens but Al wasn't enjoying it, because Al was in pieces, he arms were thrown to the left, legs half buried his torso was half buried as well.

The only parts of him not covered in cats were his back, since it held the blood seal in the neck and his head.

Speaking of which.

Brotthherrr, I said was sorry put me back together again!" complained Al, it wasn't his fault why did his brother have to be so mean.

Stupid ling.

Ed was sitting in a chair; Al had no idea where he got a black chair that spun like the Colonels as Ed swiveled towards his helmet.

Ed was now fully rid of the milk as his red jacket fluttered in a random breeze, golden eyes glinting mischievously and he stroked a golden eyed white cat on his lap.

"Oh no Al, I think I should leave you like this you know permanently" he was laughing like a mad man.

'Oh great, thank you Ling you broke my brother!'

The rest of the day was filled with Ed's plans of torturing Alphonse and Ling when he found the bastard as he stroke the white cat, calling it Black Hanekawa.

Needless to say he was never so happy to see Winry's wrench smash into Ed's face, as she yelled that he promised to buy her new tools.

"No! Come back Black Hanekawa I like you more than Winry!" whined Ed as he was being dragged away by said blond.

"You like a cat better than me! Fine Ed I'm never fixing your arm and leg again!" she shouted.

Al then realized something.

WINRY! BROTHER! I'm still in pieces come back!" the helmet of Alphonse yelled.

"Could today get any worse" muttered the helmet as he noticed a white tail in front of him.

Black Hanekawa was on his helmet purring.

"It just makes you wanna cry" spoke Al sadly, he didn't expect an answer.

"I'm a cat I don't cry so Nyaa"

Did the cat just talk?

That was it Alphonse was sure Ling broke the universe today and al because the Xingese Prince couldn't take no for an answer.

"Nyaa! That's all folks!" Black Hanekawa stood on her back legs and nya'd.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH"


End file.
